Launch Your Pause: Origin Story

By Kate Poux

In 2017 I created a menopause ritual for a group of my friends to do together on an upcoming girls’ trip. I’d been living through perimenopause for 6-7 years by then, wrestling with numerous strange ailments in merciless succession: depression, heart palpitations, intense skin rashes, hair loss, weight gain, rage. After ruling out post-partum depression (when my daughter was 4),my doctor finally tested my hormones when I was 46 and confirmed that wow, yes, it did look like I was well on my way to menopause. 

So many of us have stories of wandering alone through the perimenopause wilderness.  I was grateful to have a name for it and I began to try to seek a new equilibrium. Laura and I and 6 friends, similar ages, were headed to an island for a May weekend, and I saw an opportunity to mark this milestone. The more Laura and I thought about it, the more carried away we got. We consulted with another friend and detailed it in a  google doc — the earth, the wind, the fire and the water of it all —  and sent it off to the group. After a day or so they began to write back and gently, carefully say, “Hell to the naw.” Their idea of a weekend getaway from family, stressful jobs and small children did NOT include several hours of reflection and ritualistic art projects. They were tired and stressed out and wanted to chill. I get it. And, of course they were, because perimenopause was probably licking at their ankles but we didn't talk about it because we didn’t know what to say and where to go with it! 

I recently found the email exchange we all had about it, and I can totally see where they all were coming from.  But at the time, my rejection was intense.  I needed community and creativity in that moment and I sought it from my friends and they said no thanks.  It’s a great example of how every woman’s experience of perimenopause is so nuanced and  different. The first step is to name it, and then to be able to see it in your life, and then figure out what YOU need to manage it. I needed to process, get creative with my people. Thankfully Laura was on that trip, and she said no way to skipping it. She loved the idea and kept it alive. “We’ll find people who do want to do it!  And besides, I  already cut out all the construction paper boats.”

So we did more research, figured out an arc, wrote a 3-day retreat and reserved Aldermarsh Retreat Center for Labor Day weekend 2018. We put up our postcards in coffee shops and bathrooms all around Seattle and somehow enticed 8 other women with our invitation to dig in, put some claws in our pauses (shout out 2018 cohort!). In the midst of this epic weekend, a  great horned owl appeared to us as we were setting up for the first day, perched in a tree along the path to the gathering house. She appeared several times over the weekend, some of us had long chats with her. We called her Claws. The most dramatic moment was when we came out of the sauna on Saturday night and Claws was sitting on the ground, right outside of the door to the sauna! Listening to us? Affirming us? When I think about it now, I feel like Claws saw us, watched what we were doing together and blessed us. “ I see you, good idea. This desire that you have noticed, this idea you have that you found deep inside yourselves, it’s a good one. Make it happen.”

7 years later we are digging in again, expanding Launch Your Pause and branching out. We asked immensely talented artist and friend Claire Cowie if she would design a new logo for this next chapter. Claire has been a big supporter and advocate since the beginning of Launch Your Pause. She feels the dearth of solid medical advice and also the lack of a culture where we talk about menopause in our communities. I told her the origin story and where Claws the owl came from. She designed several iterations of Claws that we are honored and thrilled to feature as we upgrade. 

Our connection to Claws conjures affirmation, a reminder about the wisdom we all have access to at this time in our lives. Start over, go big, re-wire, slow down, get mad, calm down, withdraw, reach out. Listen carefully. You know what you need. Let's figure it out together.