I Completely Forgot What I Was Going to Say....

Last week during a job interview, while explaining my current role, I forgot the name of the organization I work for. I just couldn’t conjure it. It went out of my mind, like a magic eraser taking a smudge off a wall. Suddenly, without warning, the four words that make up the name of the organization that employs me left my brain.

I played it off. I was cool. It came back to me after a few seconds. A little while later when the interview was over, I was chatting casually with the panel of interviewers. I started to tell a story about a friend’s father, and I completely forgot the point of the story. Again, like a feather swept away by a gust of wind, my thought disappeared.

I wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed about my forgetting moments until I shared the experience with a few friends after the fact. It occurred to me then that the interview team — three women in their thirties and one man in his forties — would not understand that spontaneously losing a thought is par for the course when you are a 56-year-old woman.

Last night, in front of 60 people at a work event I was hosting, I totally forgot what I was going to say during my speech. I stalled for a moment and then I said, “I completely forgot what I was going to say…… because I’m in menopause!!!”

People laughed. I’m not sure if they were laughing out of discomfort, compassion, or both. A few women my age in the room hooted in camaraderie, which was awesome.

When I lost my thought and owned my menopausal state, I didn’t give a rat’s ass why anyone was laughing. It felt so good to just fucking say it. It was a moment of liberation, like coming out or telling your parents that you are going to significant in metal smithing instead of pre-law. A moment of, “This is me. Take it or leave it.”

Estrogen affects our bodies during the female lifespan, and in menopause, our estrogen levels drop. As a result, my hair is thinner, and my middle is rounder. But estrogen also affects our brains. I am experiencing a cerebral estrogen deficit right now. Will it last forever? Maybe. Or maybe things will change. My recall might surprise me and bounce back when I’m 67. I don’t know what will happen, but I know that this is what my body and brain look like now.

Pretty much all of my friends are in menopause right now. This morning at the dog park a woman my age, a very experienced attorney, told a story about being in a meeting after a legislative session at the Capitol with a bunch of younger attorneys. Struggle as she might, she couldn’t come up with the word ‘contract.’ Her younger colleagues helped her to find the word and once she found it, she laughed about it.

Maybe that’s the key — to find humor and delight in these menopausal moments. The truth is, I know I’m smarter than I used to be. I know I’m wiser. I feel happier and more content with who I am than I’ve ever felt. I wouldn’t trade where I am now for any of my younger days.

When I said out loud to a group of mostly non-menopausal people, “I completely forgot what I was going to say because I’m in menopause,” I felt liberated. I felt like a badass– powerful and aware. This is how I want women in menopause to feel. I want us to feel emboldened by our age and experience and wherewithal to have persevered all these years. Heck yeah! We’re killing it!

So I forget a few words and lose my focus from time to time. It’s because I’m in menopause, and I feel damn good about that.